Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
