you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
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