I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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