I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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