At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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