Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
