I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
