I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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