so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
