that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
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