I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Randomize
