you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
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