my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
