started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
