I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
