It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I want her autograph on my taint
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
