im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Randomize
