Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
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