I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Randomize
