i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
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