So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
