you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
