I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
