Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
