Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
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