question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
