Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
