Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
