47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
