I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize