Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
