Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
