so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
