Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
