were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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