A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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