I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
It's rum buckets o'clock
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
