Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
