Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
