Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize