We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
