Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
