I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
