i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
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