There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Randomize
