im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
