Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
