Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
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