I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
