the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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