They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
this will be a night to untag.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
