Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
