im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
