She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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