If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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