Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
