Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
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