so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
