you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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