Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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