it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
