fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
