Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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