Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
